A
couple of years ago, I flew to Nashville to run in a race with a group of my
friends. My flight back to New York was supposed to leave the following day.
However, about 12 hours after the race, a little snow and ice storm rolled
through the area. It wasn’t a huge storm by any means but, due to the fact that
there are rarely ice storms in Nashville, everything shut down. Flights were
canceled for the new two days and I was stranded. (Ironically, the following
year, I left Nashville and once again was stranded in Chicago due to a storm in
Atlanta where I was supposed to connect. Perhaps I should not travel to
Nashville for this race next year?) While stuck in Nashville, I stayed at the
Drury Inn near the airport. Even though I was there by myself, I still seemed
to have a pretty good time mingling with other people. I remember playing cards
and drinking wine around the lobby fireplace until about 1:00 am with a few
other people from around the country that were also stuck there. I don’t really
have a hard time meeting new people. I am the kind of guy that has “never met a
stranger”. There may have been a time in my life when I was a little bit shy
but that was a long time ago. (I think that I overcame my social fears back in
junior high/high school when I used to sing in front of an audience on a
regular basis.)
McKay,
Davis, and Fanning (2009) point out that often people have a fear of strangers.
They note that “your fear of strangers may have been influenced by habitual negative
thoughts” (p. 205). I think that this is certainly true of a lot of people. We,
as a race, tend to be our own worst critics. We tend to always fear the worst
when we interact with others. As I am not really familiar with this concept, I
sometimes wonder why people are concerned how they will appear to others when
they first meet them. Is it pride, perhaps? Maybe just a fear of making a bad
first impression? I remember my first time on stage in a large production. I
had a VERY minor part in a play. (If you are familiar with “South Pacific”, I
played Jerome, the son of Emile De
Becque.) I remember another one of the actors saying, “What’s the worst that
can happen? It isn’t like they are going to hit you or anything.” (or something
along those lines). That same piece of advice is true in every interaction with
strangers in our lives. If I speak to them, it isn’t like they are going to
reach out and smack me. The worst that can happen is that they might ignore me
but the fact is that they are already ignoring me. I can’t be ignored any more
than I already am! McKay, Davis, and Fanning also recommend to “expect to get
soundly rejected at least three times a week” (p. 208). I suppose that all may
be a matter of perspective. I don’t consider someone continuing to ignore me as
rejection. It just means that they are not interested in conversation at that
time. That doesn’t mean that they are rejecting who I am.
Kip
Tindell, CEO of The Container Store, has built an entire empire by encouraging
his employees to be personable. In his book, “Uncontainable”, Tindell (2014) discusses
a concept that he calls “man in the desert selling”. The story is basically
that the man in the desert clearly needs a glass of water. However, most
businesses stop there. A good salesman will realize that the man in the desert
not only needs that glass of water but also needs shade, food, a safe place to
rest, transportation, etc. He notes that “the reason that most salespeople
offer customers only that figurative glass of water and then pat themselves on
the back, believing that they’ve offered great service, is because they’re embarrassed
by the whole idea of selling” (p. 116). The way that The Container Store pushes
the “man in the desert selling” is by ensuring that their employees engage in
actual conversations with their customers. It can start with something as small
as a compliment. If this concept works for selling a product, why would it not
work for selling ourselves to strangers?
On a
personal note, I encourage you all to be a little brave when meeting new
people. There are multiple benefits to this. First of all, you have nothing to
lose. It isn’t like you are going to make an enemy by being socially forward.
However, you may make some friends. You never know when you may strike up a
conversation with a future employer (or employee) or a client. But there may be
even greater benefits. A few weeks ago, I was on line behind a woman at the
grocery store purchasing a large quantity of cat food. I asked her why kind of
cat she had and what its name was. I went on to tell her about the cat that I
used to have name Dmitri Shastakovich (big name – little cat). As it turns out,
we live in the same building and I have bumped into her a few times since then.
She told me the other day that she recently moved here from a small town in
Manitoba and doesn’t have any friends or family here so she is just glad that
there is someone with a friendly face in the building. I don’t think that my
conversation with her was that significant but it was enough to make her feel
just a little bit more at home. You never know who you may be able to uplift.
McKay,
M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages:
The Communication Skills Book. New Harbinger
Publications.
Tindell, K., Keegan, P., &
Shilling, C. (2014). Uncontailable: How Passion, Commitment, And Conscious Capitalism Built a Business Where
Everyone Thrives. New York, NY: Grand Central
Publishing.
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