A521.3.4RB_LeeDarrell - Personal Reflection

For this particular module, we have been studying/discussing trust and credibility. For this week’s blog, we have been asked to write about examples from our past that had a formative effect on us. This module has focused on credibility and trustworthiness. In order to establish my own credibility and trustworthiness as a leader, I have to be honest with some of the mistakes of my past that have shaped me. Of course, it isn’t just our mistakes that shape us but by self-disclosure of some of my mistakes, I can increase my credibility and therefore influence because others will see my honesty and goodwill (Whalen & Ricca, 2007). The story that I am about to share is a little embarrassing to me but I believe that it is worth sharing. Try to look at it through the lens of organizational leadership and how that actually enhances my ability to be an effective leader. The story may not be pretty but “self-disclosure is not a cloud of lies or distortions or an attractive mask” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, p. 24).

When I was in the 7^th grade, I was a fairly odd child. Of course, odd is probably pretty normal at age 12. I was in the early stages of puberty. Physically speaking, I was very awkward. I had long greasy hair. I was “husky”, I believe they called it. My face was covered in zits. I surely felt awkward. I remember that I was very non-athletic. My father encouraged me to at least attempt competitive sports so I signed up to play football for school. However, I didn’t know a thing about sports, let alone football so I cost the team a 5 yard penalty every time I got on the field. The only thing that I was good at doing was singing in the choir. Boy, I thought that I was something else when I made the “varsity” choir (a term that is used very loosely in junior high). Never mind that there was no junior varsity choir. I thought that was a pretty big deal. To me, choir was my only outlet. The world around me was so daunting. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. But choir made sense. The notes were easy for me. That became my sole outlet. I turned off the rest of the world. Through all of junior high, I practiced my musical skills. When I finally got to high school, I really was pretty good at singing but had not mastered much else. In fact, I was so good at choir that by the age of 17, I had already performed in six different operas.  Of course, I was still a fat kid with long greasy hair and pimples, though, but I thought that my musical abilities made me immune to the cruelty of the world around me. But then, my senior year of high school, I auditioned for our premiere show choir. I knew that I was a shoe-in. After all, I was the only kid in our choir who had actually been paid to sing before. Imagine the shock that I had when my world came crashing down around me when I was not selected for show choir because I didn’t have the stage presence that they wanted. My world was changed with that first brutal rejection. I had no idea how to swallow it so my senior year, I physically changed myself. I started exercising and I lost a lot of weight. It wasn’t to show the world that I was resilient, though. It was to run away. In the middle of my senior year, I had lost enough weight to enlist in the armed forces. When I graduated high school, I was gone before anybody knew what happened. I was not running to service but rather was running from my first major rejection. But guess what happened when I ran? The world opened up before me. Did you know that there is more to life than choir? Did you know that there is more to life than what you are doing now? There are ALWAYS alternatives. Since that time, I have been faced with multiple rejections and failures. I no longer look at failure as something to run away from, though. We ALL experience failures and there is always another opportunity right around the corner.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. New   Harbinger Publications.

Whalen, D. J., & Ricca, T. M. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand             Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

A521.2.3_LeeDarrell - Danger of Stories

            The main topic of discussion in our class, this week, appears to be on something called a springboard story. “A springboard story performs the most useful thing a leader can do: communicate a complex new idea and inspire others to action” (Denning, 2011, p. 59). For this particular assignment, we were given a TED Talk to watch and asked how it relates to what we have studied this week. I imagine that many of my classmates will be writing their blog this week about how the video inspires others to action because are the springboard stories that are told in the video. However, this module included other readings and other topics. That is the route that I am going to take.

            In her TED Talk, Chimamanda Adichie (2009) talks about the danger of a single narrative being told and how it creates stereotypes that people believe. What she is describing in how people hear the same kind of story over and over and that becomes their accepted reality. She tells stories of her childhood in Nigeria and talks about how surprised people are when they find out that she is not what they imagine someone from an African country to be like. (Please, take the time to watch this video which is below in my references. I promise that you will not be disappointed and it will make this particular blog make so much more sense.) Many of the stories that she tells are, indeed, springboard stories. However, I saw a couple of other elements in the video that really caught my attention.

            Adichie was very passionate about warning us to look beyond stereotypes. They way that she grabbed and held the attention of the audience was by first approaching it with the right attitude. She had reason to be upset about the stereotypes that probably many in the audience already had accepted of her before she began to speak. However, she understood that “to be a great oral leader, first you must manager your attitude. It’s the way you say your words that makes you persuasive, not the words themselves” (Whalen & Ricca, 2007, p. 17). She doesn’t just say, “Hey, don’t be fools! You are ignorant!” Though that is a large part of her message, she approaches it with a tender attitude. She approaches the conversation with empathy and even admits that she, herself, has been a victim of accepting stereotypes. She explains how that happens – when we hear the same kind of story over and over. She even admits that often stereotypes actually are true. But, she says, “the problem with stereotypes is not that they are not true but that they are incomplete” (Adichie, 2009). Also, when she is communicating with the audience, it is as if she “disappears”. What I mean by that is that it doesn’t feel like she is just reading to us. Whalen and Ritta (2007) note that this is a sign of effective communication. Have you ever been talking to a friend and completely lose track of time and what is happening around you? That has happened to me. Recently, a friend and I were talking on the train and we went right by our spot. We didn’t realize it until a gaggle of tourists crowded on the train because we had hit Times Square and we were supposed to get off at Columbus Circle a full two stops before that. That is how much we were lost in the conversation. Adichie accomplishes the same thing in her talk. It was fully engaging.

            There is another lesson to be learned from this talk but it is a lesson not about the speaker but rather us as the audience. Regardless of how well a speaker communicates, we will never receive the message if we are not listening. When you listen to this talk, it’s important to listen both with empathy and openness. “There is only one requirement for listening with empathy: simply know that everyone is trying to survive” (McKay, Davis, & Flanning, 2009, p. 19). What that means is that when you listen to someone delivering a message, realize that they are trying to accomplish something just as you are. Also, we need to listen with openness (McKay, Davis, & Flanning, 2009). This means to let go of all judgments. Those judgments may come in the form of bitterness for being proven wrong, even. Just listen. Imagine if we could accomplish this when it comes to politics. I am convinced that there would be no Democrats or Republicans if everybody could just drop all bitterness and listen with empathy and openness. Everybody would be an Independent.

            I want to close with an interesting story of my own about the dangers of a single story. Try to “listen” to it with openness and maybe you can see past some of the stereotypes that I learned to erase. I live in East Harlem - El Barrio. I was admonished to not look for an apartment here because of how dangerous it is. However, I had a friend that lived up here so I already had an idea of what I was getting into. When you look at my neighborhood, you will see evidence of the single narrative that has been told about the slums of East Harlem. Yes, there are a lot of projects. There is a lot of graffiti and it is a bit rough around the edges. However, other than just slums, do you know what else is in East Harlem? First, I have Central Park as my back yard. I have a balcony with the most breathtaking views. We have some of the finest dining in the city right here. The world-famous Rao’s literally has a 2 ½ waiting list for a reservation and that is right up the street from me. Some of the most amazing art is here. I am only a 10 minute walk from the Guggenheim! I love East Harlem and I am so thankful that I didn’t buy into the single story.

Adichie, C. (2009, July). Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story [Video file].   Retrieved from    http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of           Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. New    Harbinger Publications.

Whalen, D. J., & Ricca, T. M. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand Oaks,   CA: Sage Publications.

A521.1.4RB_LeeDarrell - Stories Within Your Organization

I have just enrolled in a new class. This one is called "Leadership Communication". Whereas my last class focused on the managerial side of leadership, this one will focus less on the "doing" and more on the "being" of leadership. In order for a leader to inspire others, they must be able to effectively communicate.

This first week has focused on the art of storytelling. When I think of storytelling from a leadership/inspiration perspective, I always think of two things: pastors and motivational speakers. They are often one in the same. I have never truly considered how stories play into leadership roles in other organizations though so this is new territory for me. I have never held a professional job outside of the military. For this week's blog, I have been tasked with describing a common story in my organization and discuss the implications that it has on my organization. My current organization (other than just saying "the Army") is the United States Army Recruiting Command (USAREC). I actually just had to go have a discussion with my former boss and ask what common story we have here amongst recruiters. What we came up with is more of a misconception than a story. There is a public perception that Army recruiters lie. Though that isn't a story, it led to an interesting train of thoughts. (By the way, it may have been the case in the past that recruiters did lie to applicants in order to sell the Army but that changed several years ago. We are on organization with deeply rooted pride and integrity and we have watchdog programs that prevent that.)  

A common "story" that we tell within the organization is probably one that is told in just about every organization. We all (or most of us, at least) love to tell our big fish stories. We always seem to try to outdo one another with our stories of bravery and adversity. We always try to talk about how awesome we are when it comes to places we've visited, people we have met, recognition we have received, marksmanship scores, physical fitness records, etc. So maybe our common story is a lie after all. This doesn't mean that we lie to applicants. It means that we lie to one another. What I have observed this doing within our organization is building what I would describe as a friendly competition. These big fish stories motivate us to be seen - to actually be observed - outdoing those that tell them. For example, when my coworker claims that he can run the Central Park Loop in 45 minutes, I want to show him that I can do it in 44:59. When someone says that they are going to write four contracts this month, we are inspired to write five. These little white lies that are so common here in my office actually have a positive effect on our work ethic and advances the production of our center. But you have to stop and ask - if it is okay for us to tell this white lies to ourselves, is it actually okay to tell them to those outside of the organization? This is now actually a common question on job interviews. The answer, not surprisingly, is that though white lies and tall tales are okay within the context of day to day operations within an organization, they violate trust with clients. The only acceptable response to dealing with those outside of the organization is complete transparency (Pelczarski, 2014).

When dealing with those outside of the organization, there is a very appropriate place, however, for these stories. It isn't with telling them, though. It is with receiving them. We need to be willing to actively listen and accept the stories (the white lies) of those outside of our organization. We have an obligation to interpret them for what they are and extrapolate their needs from what they tell us. "Our natural empathy and avidity for stories ensure that throughout the organization, listeners are ready to give these a sympathetic hearing" (Gorry & Westbrook, 2011, p 577). By actively listening to and accepting the stories of our customers, Gorry and Westbrook point out that we are able to show them that we are actually attentive to their needs.

I am curious what stories may circulate around other organizations. I am sure that there are recruiting centers within USAREC that have common stories other than just white lies. Maybe that is just the culture here. But even with that, though I may not have directly answered the question posed for this blog assignment, I believe that I have at least acted within the spirit of the assignment. Think about it for yourselves, though. Do you see big fish tales as being something that can motivate those within your work center?

Gorry, G. A., & Westbrook, R. A. (2011). Can you hear me now? learning from customer stories Elsevier Inc. doi:10.1016/j.bushor.2011.08.002

Pelczarski, K. (2014). Responding to tough interview questions. Park Ridge: Society of Tribologists and Lubrication Engineers.