A521.3.4RB_LeeDarrell - Personal Reflection

For this particular module, we have been studying/discussing trust and credibility. For this week’s blog, we have been asked to write about examples from our past that had a formative effect on us. This module has focused on credibility and trustworthiness. In order to establish my own credibility and trustworthiness as a leader, I have to be honest with some of the mistakes of my past that have shaped me. Of course, it isn’t just our mistakes that shape us but by self-disclosure of some of my mistakes, I can increase my credibility and therefore influence because others will see my honesty and goodwill (Whalen & Ricca, 2007). The story that I am about to share is a little embarrassing to me but I believe that it is worth sharing. Try to look at it through the lens of organizational leadership and how that actually enhances my ability to be an effective leader. The story may not be pretty but “self-disclosure is not a cloud of lies or distortions or an attractive mask” (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009, p. 24).

When I was in the 7^th grade, I was a fairly odd child. Of course, odd is probably pretty normal at age 12. I was in the early stages of puberty. Physically speaking, I was very awkward. I had long greasy hair. I was “husky”, I believe they called it. My face was covered in zits. I surely felt awkward. I remember that I was very non-athletic. My father encouraged me to at least attempt competitive sports so I signed up to play football for school. However, I didn’t know a thing about sports, let alone football so I cost the team a 5 yard penalty every time I got on the field. The only thing that I was good at doing was singing in the choir. Boy, I thought that I was something else when I made the “varsity” choir (a term that is used very loosely in junior high). Never mind that there was no junior varsity choir. I thought that was a pretty big deal. To me, choir was my only outlet. The world around me was so daunting. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. But choir made sense. The notes were easy for me. That became my sole outlet. I turned off the rest of the world. Through all of junior high, I practiced my musical skills. When I finally got to high school, I really was pretty good at singing but had not mastered much else. In fact, I was so good at choir that by the age of 17, I had already performed in six different operas.  Of course, I was still a fat kid with long greasy hair and pimples, though, but I thought that my musical abilities made me immune to the cruelty of the world around me. But then, my senior year of high school, I auditioned for our premiere show choir. I knew that I was a shoe-in. After all, I was the only kid in our choir who had actually been paid to sing before. Imagine the shock that I had when my world came crashing down around me when I was not selected for show choir because I didn’t have the stage presence that they wanted. My world was changed with that first brutal rejection. I had no idea how to swallow it so my senior year, I physically changed myself. I started exercising and I lost a lot of weight. It wasn’t to show the world that I was resilient, though. It was to run away. In the middle of my senior year, I had lost enough weight to enlist in the armed forces. When I graduated high school, I was gone before anybody knew what happened. I was not running to service but rather was running from my first major rejection. But guess what happened when I ran? The world opened up before me. Did you know that there is more to life than choir? Did you know that there is more to life than what you are doing now? There are ALWAYS alternatives. Since that time, I have been faced with multiple rejections and failures. I no longer look at failure as something to run away from, though. We ALL experience failures and there is always another opportunity right around the corner.

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communication Skills Book. New   Harbinger Publications.

Whalen, D. J., & Ricca, T. M. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand             Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.