I
mentioned this in one of my discussions for my class but not for my blog but it
is worth sharing here, I believe. When I was in high school, I was heavily
involved in choir. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but I was very good. I guess I just didn’t see a
future for myself in music but some of my very close friends went on to perform
as some of the great opera houses of the world. I have friends that perform at
the Semperoper Dresesden, the Sydney Opera House, and even La Scala. We all
studied under the same mentor, Herr Gerald Dolter, from Berlin. I remember some
of those sessions that we had with Herr Dolter. While we were singing, he would
push on our abdomen and say, “Be resonant!”. He said that this meant that no
matter how soft we were, we had to fill the ears of the old lady in the back
row. Resonance is not about volume or precision but rather about filling the
space even when we are soft. It is about making the audience feel our presence.
Let’s
relate that to leadership. If resonance in music is making the old lady in the
back row feel our presence, resonant leadership is about helping others truly experience
the best of what we have to offer. This isn’t just about technical precision or
expertise. It isn’t about forcefulness or success. It is about our leadership
presence.
I
was thinking about some of the most resonant leaders I have had in the past. Truth
be told, I have had very few poor leaders. Perhaps I am just lucky or extremely
blessed but most of my leaders have been incredible. Oh, sure, I have had a few
that were pretty miserable here and there but, for the most part, my bosses
have been amazing. For this blog, though, we were asked to look inward at
ourselves and analyze where we have fallen a bit short of excellence/resonance.
To do this, I had to first look at the best leaders I have had.
As
mentioned, I have had very few poor leaders in the past. However, I have had a
few that really set themselves apart as truly incredible. I started to think – what
makes them different? Were my bad bosses really that bad? I mean nobody wakes
us looking for ways to be a miserable boss. They all try to be good. So why are
some good and some bad? I finally narrowed it down to one major characteristic.
The best bosses that I have had were great not because of what they did but
rather for what they didn’t do. The best leaders that I have ever had refused
to use… fear. The most effective leaders have always sought to avoid intimidation.
On the other hand, the worst leaders that I have experiences have used fear as
a method of control.
For
this blog, we were asked to do a little exercise where we were asked to analyze
our own resonance. First, I thought about those great leaders that I have
experienced and then I asked, “am I using fear to control my subordinates”?
Fortunately, I can say no. I am not a fearful leader. But am I the opposite of
that? Am I too nice? I feel that I am very attuned to the needs of my
subordinates and I feel that I am very approachable but perhaps I am too nice
to them. Understanding and managing emotions is not just about being nice and
approachable (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008). Sometimes I fear that I
let too many things slide for fear of creating conflict.
That
brings me to another point. The most effective leaders that I know share
another trait. Not only do they all avoid using fear but they also don’t avoid
conflict. The best leaders that I have encountered have all been very
assertive. Tt doesn’t mean that thy have been arrogant. In fact, they are all
quite humble. The simply are confident. But where do they get this self-confidence?
It comes through mindfulness and self-awareness. “Self-awareness provides a
solid foundation for self-confidence. Resonant leaders have presence: a person notices and trusts
them because it is obvious that they know who they are and what is more
important to them” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 26). This
self-awareness/mindfulness leads to both confidence and assertiveness,
attributes that are desirable in an effective leader.
Here
is where it gets a bit tricky. I know that the greatest leaders that I have
encountered are self-aware, confident, and assertive. I, too, share some of those
traits. However, we did a little exercise this week to check our own level of
resonance. I think I fell a little short. If I am self-aware and assertive,
where am I failing? I was surprised to learn this about myself this week but,
after putting a lot of thought into it, I realized that I am too vague with my
guidance. I don’t mean to create resonance through this. I am very passionate
and very compassionate. My subordinates know this to be true about me because “compassion
is empathy in action” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 39). That
means that I try to actually show them that I care about them. However, because
I care so deeply for my team, I often put their personal feelings first and am “afraid”
to offend them. Providing clear and correct guidance will often do just that. By
being vague in my guidance to avoid conflict, I allow them to think that they
are either fully competent or fully ready to work autonomously when they are
not. They lack the confidence to act as such but I am unintentionally creating
dissonance but not providing clear guidance and mentorship.
I
know that my team trusts me. The exercise this week has taught me, though, that
I need to trust them as well – trust them to allow me to lead. I am causing
more harm than good by trying to avoid conflict. If I correct them, I will be
demonstrating self-confidence – a trait that every great leader needs to
display in order to instill trust in their team.
McKee,
A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your
Emotional
Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness. Boston, MA:
Harvard Business Press.
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