A641.2.3.RB_LeeDarrell - Am I a Resonant Leader

I mentioned this in one of my discussions for my class but not for my blog but it is worth sharing here, I believe. When I was in high school, I was heavily involved in choir. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but I was very good. I guess I just didn’t see a future for myself in music but some of my very close friends went on to perform as some of the great opera houses of the world. I have friends that perform at the Semperoper Dresesden, the Sydney Opera House, and even La Scala. We all studied under the same mentor, Herr Gerald Dolter, from Berlin. I remember some of those sessions that we had with Herr Dolter. While we were singing, he would push on our abdomen and say, “Be resonant!”. He said that this meant that no matter how soft we were, we had to fill the ears of the old lady in the back row. Resonance is not about volume or precision but rather about filling the space even when we are soft. It is about making the audience feel our presence.

Let’s relate that to leadership. If resonance in music is making the old lady in the back row feel our presence, resonant leadership is about helping others truly experience the best of what we have to offer. This isn’t just about technical precision or expertise. It isn’t about forcefulness or success. It is about our leadership presence.

I was thinking about some of the most resonant leaders I have had in the past. Truth be told, I have had very few poor leaders. Perhaps I am just lucky or extremely blessed but most of my leaders have been incredible. Oh, sure, I have had a few that were pretty miserable here and there but, for the most part, my bosses have been amazing. For this blog, though, we were asked to look inward at ourselves and analyze where we have fallen a bit short of excellence/resonance. To do this, I had to first look at the best leaders I have had.

As mentioned, I have had very few poor leaders in the past. However, I have had a few that really set themselves apart as truly incredible. I started to think – what makes them different? Were my bad bosses really that bad? I mean nobody wakes us looking for ways to be a miserable boss. They all try to be good. So why are some good and some bad? I finally narrowed it down to one major characteristic. The best bosses that I have had were great not because of what they did but rather for what they didn’t do. The best leaders that I have ever had refused to use… fear. The most effective leaders have always sought to avoid intimidation. On the other hand, the worst leaders that I have experiences have used fear as a method of control.

For this blog, we were asked to do a little exercise where we were asked to analyze our own resonance. First, I thought about those great leaders that I have experienced and then I asked, “am I using fear to control my subordinates”? Fortunately, I can say no. I am not a fearful leader. But am I the opposite of that? Am I too nice? I feel that I am very attuned to the needs of my subordinates and I feel that I am very approachable but perhaps I am too nice to them. Understanding and managing emotions is not just about being nice and approachable (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008). Sometimes I fear that I let too many things slide for fear of creating conflict.

That brings me to another point. The most effective leaders that I know share another trait. Not only do they all avoid using fear but they also don’t avoid conflict. The best leaders that I have encountered have all been very assertive. Tt doesn’t mean that thy have been arrogant. In fact, they are all quite humble. The simply are confident. But where do they get this self-confidence? It comes through mindfulness and self-awareness. “Self-awareness provides a solid foundation for self-confidence. Resonant leaders have presence: a person notices and trusts them because it is obvious that they know who they are and what is more important to them” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 26). This self-awareness/mindfulness leads to both confidence and assertiveness, attributes that are desirable in an effective leader.

Here is where it gets a bit tricky. I know that the greatest leaders that I have encountered are self-aware, confident, and assertive. I, too, share some of those traits. However, we did a little exercise this week to check our own level of resonance. I think I fell a little short. If I am self-aware and assertive, where am I failing? I was surprised to learn this about myself this week but, after putting a lot of thought into it, I realized that I am too vague with my guidance. I don’t mean to create resonance through this. I am very passionate and very compassionate. My subordinates know this to be true about me because “compassion is empathy in action” (McKee, Boyatzis, & Johnston, 2008, p. 39). That means that I try to actually show them that I care about them. However, because I care so deeply for my team, I often put their personal feelings first and am “afraid” to offend them. Providing clear and correct guidance will often do just that. By being vague in my guidance to avoid conflict, I allow them to think that they are either fully competent or fully ready to work autonomously when they are not. They lack the confidence to act as such but I am unintentionally creating dissonance but not providing clear guidance and mentorship.

I know that my team trusts me. The exercise this week has taught me, though, that I need to trust them as well – trust them to allow me to lead. I am causing more harm than good by trying to avoid conflict. If I correct them, I will be demonstrating self-confidence – a trait that every great leader needs to display in order to instill trust in their team.

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R. E., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader: Develop Your

Emotional Intelligence, Renew Your Relationships, Sustain Your Effectiveness. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press.

A641.1.3.RB_LeeDarrell - What is Great Leadership

I have always thought that management and leadership were two separate functions. In the Army, we are taught that leaders are those that provide purpose, direction, and motivation. Managers, on the other hand, are those that utilize available resources to accomplish a task. Of course, most organizations don’t split the functions. Managers are usually required to fill a leadership role and vise-versa. This is especially true on the enlisted side of the military. We have 20 year olds that promote to the rank of corporal and are squad leaders responsible for managing and leading their fire team or technical squad. Because these leadership roles are thrust on us, I chose to pursue the Master in Leadership program. Since I have to be a leader, I might as well do it right.

Since this is true in most organizations – that management and leadership are often synonymous - the fact of the matter is that we are all going to have some pretty crummy leaders at some point or another in our careers. The individuals may be wonderful managers but may lack that ability to provide purpose, direction, and motivation. For this blog, we were asked to reflect on some of our past experiences with leaders and compare someone that we consider a great leader with someone that we consider to be a bad leader from our past. I had no problem thinking of examples of each but there was one man that really stuck out above the rest on the negative side. I will omit his name so as to not be guilty of libel (although it isn’t libel if it is true). This man led with fear. He was as mean as a snake. Did we get the job done? You bet we did but it wasn’t because we wanted to work with him. It was because we feared the retribution. If you remember the movie/story “We Were Soldiers”, I think he saw himself as some kind of Sergeant Major Plumley kind of leader but that would have required a bit of empathy and humor. This guy had neither. This guy was so mean spirited that the weekend that we returned from a 7 month rotation in Iraq, he put me on a 24 hour staff duty rotation (where we just sit there and watch the phone and do security checks) instead of one of the people that had not gone on the deployment. When asked why, his reason was “because I really just don’t like you”. (As an aside, this guy had some real issues in his personal life that ended up coming to light after I left the unit. I know that he was forced to retire and I heard that he is now selling used cars. I don’t know about all of that, though.)

Like I said, this individual still got results. Our unit won several competitions under his leadership and we had a successful combat tour without a single non-combat loss. He clearly did something right but can we really use that as a measure of effectiveness? The most effective leader that I ever had was the exact opposite of Mr. Grumpy Pants. I will never forget this guy. His name was Larry Lorden. It almost felt like he was my big brother. I never wanted to let him down. He was the kind of guy that I didn’t want to be at work if he wasn’t there. He really got us all fired up to really be the best that we could be. Sadly, he smoked like three packs of cigarettes per day along with his five pounds of bacon and had a massive heart attack. That hasn’t stopped me from wanting to emulate him.

Here is where I am a little at odds over all of this, though. In the Army, we are constantly told to not confuse leadership with likership. What is meant by this is that we should not worry about making our teams like us. What I am learning, though, is that great leaders are completely in sync with their teams (Boyatzis & McKee, 2005). They inspire others through empathy, passion, and compassion. Great leaders are likeable. Also, “resonant leaders help blend financial, human, intellectual, environmental, and social capital into a potent recipe for effective performance in organizations. In other words, in addition to being great to work with, they get results” (p. 5). When I think about Larry Lorden, he was someone that everybody liked and he was able to use that to be the most effective leader I have ever met. The thing is that he was genuine with it. Like I said, he was like a big brother and he cared for us as if we were his family. That means that there were times where he could be a bit stern, too. He didn’t spare discipline just to appease us. So if a man like that can be so resonant and get such amazing results, why are we constantly told to not worry about making our subordinates like us? I want my subordinates to like me. Maybe it is because we have to be able to make tough decisions at a moment’s notice and we don’t have time to cultivate teams naturally.

We were presented with a video that was imbedded in our blog assignment instructions. I honestly have no idea how to cite that since I don’t have a URL or any of the publication information for it. (It may have been made specifically for this class.) However, Dr. Boyatzis, the author of our textbook, revealed some pretty startling facts. He noted that today, it is estimated that 50% of leaders add no value to the team. Another 20-30% add value to only one or two people. That means that our organizations could literally get rid of 70-80% of our leaders and still function. They are just dead weight. I find that hard to reconcile with the fact that those leaders are still filling management roles as well but perhaps the thought is that teams could manage themselves. (That was the whole idea behind the complex adaptive leadership class that I took a few terms ago.) I know that it would be impossible to eliminate 70-80% of military leadership but I can surely buy off on the fact that there are more ineffective leaders than there are effective ones. I, however, want to be effective. I want to be resonant and build relationships with my team so that we can create a synergy unlike any other!

Remember that I said that my leaders are always telling us to not confuse leadership with likership. That is not the official stance of top military leadership. A few months ago, I was as a town hall meeting with Major General Snow, the Commanding General of USAREC (US Army Recruiting Command). I remember the advice that he gave to us as we were about to graduate from the center leader course. He told us to not strong arm our teams. He told us that to get the best results, all we had to do was ask. This reminds me of a story that I heard on a TED Talk. Amanda Palmer (2013) was a human statue street artist as well as a musician. Several years ago, internet piracy of music was a pretty big deal so she and her band came up with a unique idea. Instead of selling their music, they gave it away for free. Instead of demanding payment, they asked for donations. (She was inspired by her time as a street performer depending on donations from onlookers.) What was surprising is that they made more money through this than they would have by selling albums. We can approach leadership in much the same way. We don’t have to force our teams to perform. Instead, we can connect with them and form a relationship. Once a bond is formed, we can direct them through the simple act of asking. When someone with which you have a relationship asks, you want to help.

Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School

            Press

Palmer, A. (2013, February). The Art of Asking [Video file]. Retrieved from

https://www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking